The blessing and the burden of a call pt 1...

It was 2012. I had just had a good friend walk away from me, a bunch of people at church turn their back on me when I wouldn't do everything their way...and my mom was in the grips of another phych episode. Oh ya and I was still in the grips of a rare condition called Dysautonomia. I was a single mom living on a budget that was soon to run out. I was a commercial cleaner by trade but for a year could not work.

 I received 13 000 from a children's disibility fund for my son. I had to live on it for a year because that's how long my lease was. Yes 2012. Summer. I watched in amazement just how care free everyone seemed to be (wetter they actually were or not). Waving their hands outside of rolled down WI dows. Laughing. Able to work. And stand without feeling like they'd have some kind of alien episode. I was bitter. Angry. Depressed. Co fused and heartbroken.  I was 33 and felt 80 some days.

I went to Walmart one day with my son. For some reason I lingered in the book section. A book called "Battlefield of the mind" By Joyce Meyer caught my eye. I didn't know why. A few weeks later I bought it. It would sit on my shelf another year.

Fast forward to Jan 2013. My mom was home against all odds after 5 months of institution. I had to move back home at 33. I hated that but the church refused to shelter mee and i had 3 failed kijiji attempts. Reasons ranged from : Your mom might come out here and somehow find our stored guns and she's not stable, to your not trying hard enough to convince the system you would be in danger if you submitted to their rules (this was after me begging them to help me. Four times.) No they thought it would teach me a lesson. What it did was show me how Christians should not act. It made me leave the church and struggle with joining another for quite some time.

So dispite all this and also me trying to attempt college and not being able to because of the Dysautonomia ...I against all odds went into spontaneous remission. A week went by. Then two. I kept waiting to hang over the toilet again every morning in but it didn't happen. My blood pressure started to rise and I found myself not having she syndrome from weak ess every time the wind blew. This was also after I had been put through the crazy ordeal of advocating left right and Centre for my mom's me talk health and getting no where. She came home so drugged she couldn't feed herself.  She'd miss her mouth. My ex came out for supper with us. When this happened we gave each other a glance. Those months were crazy. Between the church being ridiculous, losing a good friend, having to move home, not being able to attend school and my mom's longest episode...and was something that ended in me crashing really bad that September. My body was like...Done.

I went into one of 3 multiple day episodes where I had nasea so extreme I'd throw up black grains from the pit of my stomach.during one of them. There was nothing left but dried blood. These multiple day episodes were the worst thing physically I've ever endured in my life. They take everything out of you! Stress brought them on as I was already sick. Nothing could stable me and I nearly died the one time of dehydration. 

So it was nothing short of a miracle that with the new year of 2013...a remission came! Two weeks later I picked up the book I had forsaken. I started to read it. Something in me just....finally started to get it!! 

I followed this up with other books by Joyce. The next was on emotions not controlling you. This the way it was presented was life changing.

Many chains I had started to fall away. I was led to that shelf at Walmart. I didn't know why. I sure do now!

It led to a call on my life that I would, again get the hard way. I will write about that next time.

Melanie.